Day 7: Facing Doubts

So I’ve been trying to write this post for a few days now. I was doing pretty good getting these things ready; I got days 1 through 6 all done and then I just ran out of steam. I started thinking, ‘what do I know about writing pep talks?’ and ‘is my advise really any good?’ and of course there’s that simply blank feeling that would come over me when I sat down to work on this. You know that one where you just can’t think of anything that seems worth writing and go wander over to Facebook or Pintrest? Yeah, I didn’t have much to say. In fact I still don’t.

Now I’m betting there’s a rule somewhere about telling your reader that you don’t have anything to say but maybe it’s what you need to hear right now. See I’m betting that you’ve felt this way, or will feel this way, sometime during this month. One of the reasons I started this Blog was to share these thoughts and maybe find someone to tell me that I’m not the only one who has doubts; That this isn’t just me and that it doesn’t mean that I’m not cut out to be a writer. But maybe I had that all backwards; maybe the whole point is so that I can tell you.

There’s a nagging little voice inside of us, all of us, that tells us we aren’t any good. It twists around things and tries to get us to stop, to give up. This voice makes us question ourselves and our abilities.

‘You don’t know enough about love to write a romance.’

‘You can’t write a novel, it’s too long.’

‘You’ve never finished a story before, you can’t.’ ‘Short stories have to be tight; you don’t know how to write like that.’

‘You’re the one that need pep talks, how do you expect to write them?’

‘This is too important for you to write, you’re not that good.’

Those are some of the whispers in my head; you have your own voices, poking you where it hurts. But you know what? I think I figured it out, I think can name that voice. Someone once said that to name someone is to have power over them; in this case I believe it.

I name you, voice in the dark, I name you: Fear.

Fear, such a small word. But how tight is its hold on us, how stifling its grip. We’re afraid of so many things, rejection, failure, ridicule. As writers we’re trying to open up the deepest parts of ourselves and pour them out on to a page to stare at us in black and white. Is it any wonder we’re scared?

This little voice thinks its protecting us. Fear can warn us when were in danger so we can get away. It can keep us from doing something that could hurt us, like walking the edge of a building or touching a hot stove. Only a fool knows no fear.

But what do we do when fear is preventing us doing something we want, or even need, to do? To be honest I don’t know. I don’t have an easy answer or a quick fix. I don’t think there is one.

But I do know one thing, we must go on. We must tell the voices to be quite and let us take our chances. We must ignore them when they will not. We must write anyway. Write and write and write until every fear has been faced. We can never be without fear; I do not think I really want to be. If I am not afraid then I have nothing to tell me to run; to run and keep running for every word and every sentence. To fight and work and make something worthwhile. Because it is worthwhile, we are worthwhile.

This may not be read by hundreds but it has been read by me and by you. It has already helped me, if it helps but one other person then I will be doubly glad. But it doesn’t matter if it does, it’s already worth it. I was afraid to write this. I was afraid to post it. But that’s alright, because I’m not alone.

“Courage is Fear that said its prayers.”

—Rita